Oh freaking hell. I suddenly feel so sucky and worthless. I just poured my heart out to a guy I don't even know. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't talk to outside of class if we had a class. I don't even think we would be face book friends. I think that this ryan girl is so damn perfect, but she is kind of bat shit crazy. except shes beautiful and has a life. just like the person that I liked for awhile. mb its because some people on lj are so depressing, take offense because you will prob never find this, but I find you rather irritating, like you have a beautiful relationship, you have your obsessions that take you away from shit, but your family life is shit I take that with full response. I want to fucking be gorgeous to a guy that I find interesting and qt and we'll take really bad pictures of us trying to be cool. we'll eat picnics by the art museum, watch eternal sunshine as I cuddle your bub bub. we'll share our favorite tv shows with others and we would both be invested in it, not you or I being more favorable to it. dammit you were so far yet so close to being mine. Or forever alone in my perfect mind. I'm a damn self loving bitch you might say, but what else can you do when no one is paying attention to you, everyone loves someone else. You blend into the wallpaper so to speak, you become a giant ogre that people tend to avoid. fuck I hate feeling this way, I want to be beautiful, because I feel so goddamn ugly and left alone for so many weeks, I feel like it can never change, and if it does its because those people are trying to be nice. I think this is like the 3rd time I posted this pic
goddammit I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE. YET I NEED PEOPLE.
clementine; Joely? am I ugly? when I was a kid I thought I was. can't believe I'm crying already. sometimes I think people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid.. like you don't matter. so I'm eight, & I have these toys, these dolls. my favorite is this ugly girl doll who I call Clementine. and I keep yelling at her: you can't be ugly! be pretty! it's weird. like if I can transform her, I would magically change too.
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