How do

It's the last of the year. That was mighty quick. Mighty challenging. This year I strive to remember to do work first then work second than all others in between. But I'm not going down the road of. Being a huge ass slacker, that led me to be a h

Sadness deeply

Ok I gave myself my own bad news I went to this guy I hung out with fbook and he didn't block me but he didn't add me either. What did I say or do to make him dislike me enough to not get an add back? I legitimately hung out with him so I don't see why he didn't add me back. I'm kinda in down mode. This morning started down and now the night seems likes it's going to be down as well. I'm trying not to make things seem like a emergency,  but I just feel like an alien again. A slow lonelied creep zooid that normal people can't stand. Was it the dirty jokes the volent talk? The awkward eating situation? I guess when one door closes another will open. Waiting for another friend to pop into my life. Fonty has crept back into my life, I like his comedic sensibility I bet he's only back cuz his long ways lady friend has a boyfriend. I shouldn't discount myself so much. Jayson is still here, we're like clutching at pearls here like sloth to a tree we huddle together to weather the storm. Thank goodness, I'm happy I not a loony alone. A dirty alone. A vengeful alone. Nope we are best butterflies. Whelp time for dan and Jon Time my dad was a briallant shade of orange after hearing their sweet voices it's like I was in the same room observing the scene. I keep seeing myself famous and recognized in the future but I will never forget the people who were kind and stuck with me, they are one of a kind and special snowflakes no one can deny. Aww this blog entry turned really sweet, I'd like to thank my heart and soul for churning the last part out, without yout I couldn't open automatic doors and drink slushing. Love ya, May peace be with you, and luck too.

I actually got shit done heres a pic

a wittle closer now

done thanks

aha still here

Bitches who need to be cunt punched read above^

Today was a cruel rainy day. Funny it started like a real romcom with my metalz crush acknowledging me and shit and giggles and me being all loved out, it was fucking great. It made me not realize there are cruel ass people in the world for awhile, and the greatest bitch that ever bitched was to be had. its like mean spirited asshole cunt licking sort of meaness. im glad I peaced out and not decided to fight this fiery inferno. the happiness that stems from subtle church music made my mind at ease and sound. I won in the end, no party fouls were made other than being a unwanted member of a sad sad group of people. ugh. im out. i dont sound very peaceful but i am i'm just in a real worked up mood. on the internetz~

Argh uugh

I've been on a trs spiel for the whole day, I couldn't function all day, it's worse than the Mariah episode, this time I just want to run thru the daisys with bae all girlfriends aside cough. I've been spamming my brain waves with 2000000 gahhh my brain is mushy, and my heart is full of wondrous song except I am shot of creativity and writing ability, unless in the form of a blog. Oh and psychonaut has a new girlfriend and life is apparently perfect on his end. I wish baes heart was mine. In a alternate universe he will be mine and he will be a normal ass dude and he wouldn't be a Christian just some cool ass dude who likes fatties. Hahahhaha I'm not that fat. And we'd have like 10 corgis and they'd run around us while we dance around the house waltzing salsa ing ma king out. Ma king out marking mackintosh mocking mackintosh omg stop I want to Mack out good. We'd both curse a storm but his mind would find time to write lyrics still, it'd be supes metal baby metal. No kidding that's bad. If he wasn't such a cutie I don't know what I'd actually be thinking of him, it's sad when I think about it, it's all about the fucking attraction he wasn't hot b4 he was just a pretty sweet dude, why'd he have to go and get hot? And play with our hearts? And now apparently my heart and day, gtfo outta my head Ashlee octopus style. Uighur and I'm been yearning up a storm to chill with jayson, he's so funnyyyy it hurts, he's the real genuine deal bffs forever. Until he decreases in age. No don't go there bitch. Ok officially banning myself from trs. At least for tommorow gotta get shit done.  Still in love with Mariah. Found out he's leaving soon, no more starringly loving jokingly stares. No more great customer servicing. No more giggle fits, I'm gonna miss that dude, gotta get his number or leave my number for a good time, because I need fun in my life all the drums song. Music rules my life, baes gotta get outta my head, or I'm gonna blow my lid. Goodnight good friends I wanna be next to you from head from my heart for its true. I guess that's the last of that, hopefully.

Omg

My newest crush of probably over this year, Mariah for obvious reasons god forebid he finds this godforsaken blog. Let's see when he was helping with a card the money kept going back and forth and he was like it's not ur money it's the machine it's screwing around then we proceeded to have a giggle fit, also before that he was always so customer oriented, but in just think it was me I'm a hottie what can u fucking say? Alright then he takes a break from a print job to show me how to print a do specially on outside printers and was like I wasn't doing anything fun anyway, ahehehe I'm tons of fucking fun. And tonight oooh child as he gave me back my change he fucking stroked my inner palm idk if that was on purpose on what, but it got me fucking hot and bothered and I'm still fucking goddamn fucking hot and bothered. Alas there is no pron of a dude that looks like him, that would be totes awesome right about now. I even wanted to tell him I'd do his butthole with a double dildo hahaha what? Um Idk how that's gonna work. Usually people drop change into my hand omg he did do it on purpose, I bet he's gonna wank in the work bathroom and then go back to work, with the pleasure of my palm. Goddamn he's fuckin hot, it's probably cuz he has these kind eyes that fuck u from the outside in and then he always make sure to say hi or help out with my shit. Brazilian fart shit. No jk that's disgusting. Love me like u do, touch me like u do. Gaaaah I need to see him again and doooooooooo him like a thousand suns beneath the earth. Uuuuuuh wat. Goddamn I was supposed to be doing hw. Ok after lafapfest. Oooooooogoooooooooodgrief I need a rooster in me Mariah's rooster loving me against a wall. Breaking a mirror laughing about it then unto the bed and unto the floor. I bet he looks good on the danceflooor of my bedroom if it was decked out, it will quite a mess if we decided to that in my real room. Ok feeling a lil less horns but still have to get out this aggression. It's just like tropical thunderstorm except he peaced out before I even got to ask him out and now he's goin out with this dumb bitch. Wicked bitch of the west she was bullying people not cool. Ugggh he probably has a girlfriend or boyfriend totally not single. I don't want to just hang out with him I want to ride him into the sunset haha. Ok nough this could be a comedy routine. Hmmm alright see ya later. Hopefully him too, give me the courage to ask him out.

theres something

so liberating in free blogging. thats it. shit I have so much to do tommorow and its midnight. pray that mr thick artest will pick me up a line andy  drive me to the light of my life. cuz this baby be churning and chugging, until the days are worn. yeah yezzy be out.

Fucking turds

Some guys are just turds. I feel harassed. Like I talking then turned around and this guy I thought was my friend like fucking goddamn touches my butt like no big deal, but he shows that he used his foot. At this moment I'm gonna give him the benefit of my doubt but it was not funny in anyway, also he touched my ear wtf. Wtf dude, you aren't my bf and that's not respectful at all anyway. That's a instant dump. He didn't even say sorry, I'm waiting to hear it on a text. He's unlucky in love, and I just found out why, cuz he's a turd bag. The nice guy thing was an act, it's always a act. I'm trying to get over it. Need more melatonin. Maybe I should consult left out lunch lady or high man. Or consult the internet. I feel a bit better now. At least I didn't get scammed in doing pubeliescent teen soft core..... Ugh. I need jayson. Or a Goddamn pillow to pretend its reverend heart. Goddammit.

Omg I just died and went to Mormon heaven

Omg the guitarist 4 tardctrl issssss soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO I want the Norway ooooooo that's my face, sooooooooo hot. I really just want to every imaginable dirty thing with him omg I need a picture pronto. Then a nice night of mb8 ing. Uggghh my young precocious virgin man dreams have been realized, and its not the kipster or teh Sam. Teh Sam is my filthy stripper dream hahahahaha bellydaning into my heart. Dammit if only he wasn't a character, but real. Idk. I need his bush in my bush. Omg his landing strip on my landing strip. Omg. Dear bb Jesus, let us cross paths again. See my eternal struggles have come to pass, and it came into form of an angelic panda man of many talents and gentle ness. Let us frolic in the land of love and peace and fucking unicorns and fucking more love, and fucking sex. Hahaha sex teh sex of all time. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh son give that a bat and swing it home, mama needs a butterfingers. Needs a finger in the butt. Jesus Christ he was ungodly hot. Dammit, I can't go to sleep must scour the inter webs for precious hot pics. Then I shall flippitty flap till the early morn comes, hahahahahahaha comes. I'll be coming all night. Now for my next mix, sex on the tabarnacle. Hahahahaha hahahhaha oooop being sacrilegious. Omg that's a totally fab name, it's gonna be banned in all 1 state. Hahaha Utah. Hahaha. Ok I'm getting a wee tired that means time to fapppy tappity and then do the husband bride swappity spittitty moogity. Goddamn new words time. Thanks and goodnight

hoooo my godddd

I just found out who my new bud andy reminds me of, none other than the kipster.... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee omg. the coolest of the cool, forevs. the bestest wwf person ever. that reminds me i need to ask him to play again. haha. omg i nearly got myself into a pickle, a butt of a hole was gonna stop by and fortunantly I got myself outta there, go self! yay. hehehehe i really hope andy is not gay that would make me a sad panda of the highest degree. I can't wait to hang out with him kekz. and now listening to summer be eternalz. hehe i think next week andz will call. if hes gay, he can be my gay boyfriend yay! either way its a win win situation right here. ok off to the baths

best rap battle ever!!!

Gah

Once again the procrastination has gotten to me, i thought that finicial things with school was taken care of automatically, but I found out I needed to fill out forms and other things. I feel kind of worn. I need something to hold me. I don't feel very anxious. Just a few. Hopefully my fee can wait because I only have enough to pay this semester from savings. I just have to say to my self people make mistakes, I have been fairly distracted for a couple of months. I just have to keep up with what life throws at me as early as possible. I'm ok, just frazzled. I'm going to make it out of this mess, cuz if always do, think positive thoughts.

Fathers day

Went a walking around the city touring and learning new infos. Saw qt Azn guy. Ate at downtown jap  restaurant and went uphill for 3 blocks. I made it out alive. Gorgeous cathedral seen much calm peace. Well going to finish up 2nd dlc of evil within. Goodnight friendly folks, hope y'all had fun with your old pops too.

im doing good

I actually felt the inspiration to do things today, and I didn't stop  at all, also applied to many retailers hopefully I get a interview and score a job.... wheeeeeeee! i'm so proud of myself!!! I also said "no" to jayson about hanging out with our obnoxious neighbor, finally see getting better!!! I love myself to bits everyone dance now!!

such as life

I am not my mind, the situation is over and done for me, whatever causes me harm, does not exist anymore. I am at peace. or atleast I try to be. its off the deep end of my brain, its like a bad nightmare that slowly creeps on me if I not distracting myself. I am not my past, it doesn't matter anymore, sigh where is cannoli when you need him? woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
done done done.
i am fine
i am great
I love myself
I love my inner child
I will continue to self love
I will conquer my anxieties with a battle axe
i can be a hero even for just one day

OK THIS TIME I GOT THE TICKETS

AIN'T NO THANG BUT A CHICKEN WANG ON A STRANG. yayayayayayay, the ticket price is the best that I could find it at this time. now to rest and do some other shit. listening to futoros and praising god and the radio for finding me this sweet ticket bums. I don't think i'll post pictures till the time comes. oh and my google chrome is working again!!! fuck ya having a great day. I feel safer buying the tickets this way. this summer is going to bright. I feel contentment again.

thank you god based gods. thanks for listening to the radio at the time I did, see I did do something about my problem. I solved it, lets just see if the e-tickets get to me. at least I have a statement to base my allegations on if things go wierd and funny.

Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt

im in sort of a peaceful mode... slept the whole way thru yesterday. Also made it to a new meetup and there was this hot hot man.... omguize and he looked at me while I talking and tried to understand me, mmm connecting feels so good, and he has muscles and reminds of twinkie.... i had a Epiphany twinkie, he was just a guy, a guy that I would stutter speak over. other people beside me were also pretty welcoming. I think I may the group every week and hang out with them outside of group. lord knows I need to give myself a break from obsessing over symbolic goals... yes 1 of the most important things that i'm looking foward to, buttt hahaha did u see what i did there not my #1 goal even if it plagues my mind.  yeah graphix proj looking better. things are getting more beautiful, atleast yesterday, it was super chill, just how i like it. love ya babes i'm out

bort

hohum, made it into may mateys! Still feeling confuzzled, a bit frazzled over school work. my bae of baes got married... she looks ace as always. I wanna find love jelling over married people. Its been a hot day, I kind of want to go for a walk again or have a nap, or both. finished flash cards atleast. i feel like being a park ranger when I get outta school, with a free lance job. listening to purist of rings they are pretty and chill making. I want to feel cool again and chill as fuck plus confidence, its been pretty shot these few months. I'm gonna make it right everyday, because everyday is a miracle all this beauty in the world all the nice people, people who want to meet me, people I want to meet. I'm all over the place huh? on the public trainsit, i've come across such graceful people who offer me food and one person who works at the stadium was awfully nice like we talked about our schooling and past and stuff, i've never done that in the first meeting. i'm beginning to enjoy people's convos on the bus, some are irritating as fuck like those two bratty valley girls ugggh so happy makes me want to throw them down a well and have them meet that girl from the ring. others are great like the hairstylist guy. i've been crying like crazy too, little things stressing me out. I am greatful for one direction and andrew mcmahon keeping me in a more sane level of sanity. I actually want to throw alot of things/ people down a well. ok I guess i'll start napping now. later tater gators

ummmmm soooo i accidently

erased the shitest of journal entries. so long farewell aufwedisan, so got that off my chest. I feel a little lighter. no more bullshit of the squarest kind. its a new day, its a new life and i'm feeling fine.

OMG IN LURVE

ITS FUCKING TRUE LOVE. DIS GUY IN MY GROUP, HE LIKES THE KITH. AND ZOOEY BUT MOSTLY KITH, NO ONE LIKES KITH. OMG OMG. he may be into ritual sacrifice tho... BUT OMG HE IS ALSO HELLA SAD AND ANXIOUS. WE'LL HAVE AWESOME ASS SEX, THEN WE WILL CREY ABOUT IT. HAHA SO FUNNY I MAKE JOKES. YO LIKA THE JOKES. NO SOUP FOR YOU. i think i'm hallucinating into a mania. hes got me love stoned. awaiting his reply. and yes he does look like the haimiss. i have an anhk therfore i make puns. so walked around the jose and it was alright some shady ass people, but i was fine. i think it just got cold in the room, or i need to sex someone. hrrm hahahahahahahahaha psychonaut. damn hes a hot hot man i just want to break off a piece of that and save it for later. so sondre is making me crey cuz he put his sadness in his songs, like no happiness its all has a tinge of sadness. its addicting tho, i kind of want to listen to it but it messes up my chi like no other. i just saw lucky guy and hehehehehe he stared at me and was like yo u broky my heart, now i am a wrek oh look its your name on my label also this ring is still on take me back. uhhhh girl who you seeing now? is he as hot and playful as the sondre? i think not!!! hahaha. sooooo yeah new guy crush lets call him hammish cuz of reasons. I WANT TO SEX HIM, I HAVEN'T FELT LIKE SEXING IN SO LONG, LETS DO THE SEX. SEX. I LOVE THE LETTERS IT MAKES. OKAY.
who the fuck is this? hes a hottie

yeah i'm out. i did a good job on my test i believe, and ate nasty gnat jep food and feel weird afterwards i think i'm ok tho. love always your friend forever. hahahahahaha snickers into my bag of candy

Boo you whores

God dammit fbookl is the devil, it was a terrible reminder that my social life is lacking. I think it's time for me to sleep, I feel like literally rolling over in my gave, oh what I'm still alive? You must be kidding. Things are doing pretty well nonetheless. Met a new train buddy maybe. I just want to peace out and forget about my troubles. I wonder what the aspie gang is doing. I hope they are missing me. See look who said I have no friends, they are my friends, I actaully bring warmth and wit. Galah my first project in college and I'm freaking out about it. The directions and the content seem like it won't be too bad, I already did a third of the sketches. Galah I went back to my old job lots of new peeps and tally girl was there and cannoli, mom he just smiled like I was a regular customer no more woos for me hehe. I'm just as special and good as those other girls, just need to work on my self esteem, especially when I'm tired and cranky. I do feel better... Sleep time is a great and wondrous time, I may have some sweet dreams, my brain is caving in, so I shall leave you. I really enjoy my old ass art teacher she is sweet and so passionate. And the people in the class are getting to be better. I am great I'm spectacular and I'm original there is no one else in the world like me. Also I didn't choose this anxious depressed brain it was designed for humans since the dawn of time.  Goodnight lovies

ehehehe

wise words! I need to watch more episodes

sick post dude

well things have certainly looked up for me! I have gotten over insecurities of school, battled my way into classes, talked to school counselors and advisors and worked out the details of my schooling and how I am going to transport myself there. I miss my old work people, ahhh cannoli I wonder how hes doing. ehehe. listened to old music futuros little advances and new music no one is lost! I feel like i'm loved and supported so in a pretty good place. and jayson and me are attached to the hip, I think he'll be my psych #2 because he is sooo supported and friendly I can't describe how much internal happy medicine he feeds me when we are together. Its like having this twin who gets you, but older so he can teach you a thing or two about life. and not sweating the small stuff, and keeping your friends close and laughing till you need water. I'm trying to get out and enjoy life again because it got royally screwed up. if no one is losty is not on my ipod by the end of the week i'll atleast be the most heard album from my compy. whose sickness has sort of let up, i'm using alternative browser and if I dont open too many tabs, my compy doesn't die. from the night is my life blood right now. everything is beautiful and nothing hurt. I don't carrre we never come back from the nigggghhttttt. noooooooo! hahaha. goodnite again

I dont know what this song is about but

I think i'm in love with it, because it feels me on levels I didn't know I had right now, damn stars getting back in my damn life, praise thy heavenly music, which cures my aching soul and anxious bones. total club hits then it hits you when you least expect it, so far its been a really good ride, I love them baes.

We're back with the fear
Feels good to be here
Neurotic alcoholic
Make mine the gin and tonic

The kids in VIP are really making me angry
With lines around the block and inside the place it's empty
So step to the right, give up the fight
When you're standing in the dark it's hard to see the light

One more, one more, and they close that door
He told me he was young, I said "well what is that good for?"
Nobody stays that way, and day after day
All you get is the stick while you're waiting for your pay
Trap door, trap door, in the ceiling and the floor
Disappear, disappear, everybody feel the fear
You always did the things they told you to
You always bought that shit they sold you, sold you

I'm back with the hate, so sorry I was late
Yeah my name was on the list
But they said I had to wait
The kids in VIP are all looking for a family
Their teeth are made of gold but their wallets are empty
So step to the right, don't give up the fight
Yeah we're standing in the dark but we're looking for the light

One more, one more and they close that door
He told me he was young, I said "well what is that good for?"
Nobody stays that way, and day after day
All you get is the shit while you're waiting for your pay
Trap door, trap door in the ceiling and the floor
Disappear, disappear, everybody feel the fear
You always did the things they told you to
You always bought that shit they sold you, sold you

Trap door, trap door in the ceiling and the floor
Disappear, disappear, everybody feel the fear
You always did the things they told you to
You always bought that shit they sold you

One more, one more and they close that door
He told me he was young, I said "well what is that good for?"
Nobody stays that way, and day after day
All you get is the stick while you're waiting for your pay

Trap door
Trap door

thank you and goodnight!

hohoho

life is good. no work. and I've got most of the classes that I wanted. my advisor is was also prompt in sending me an form that allows me to skip 3 classes cuz its been done bizatch also actually I did four on that list, but I can still take the class with those 3 yeah!!! nye was a blast, I was reminded by jayson how happy making he is. we had pizza, chips, weirdo convos, tv, and a dance party where we came up with the poop dance and the throwup dance and the geatric dance with invisble cane and hula hoop. hahahaha and jayson sang telephone pretty well even though he was a bit tone deaf. hahahawith all the gloom and doom in the world, he is the light at the end of the tunnel thanks dude for sticking through that emotional outburst. im gonna play a game soon where I meet aliens and cure diseases yay! hrmm real old fashion gaming right there. so far no meds taken and i'm feeling good. i feel jaysons got a grip on me as I too him so I like that, we depend on each for the lolz. everything is the same, as everything should be. god damn I would have never thought I would quote that song. it still sucks, happy I dont have to hear unless I'm randomly at my old place of work. love ya babes.