You will always be my summer girl

You don't know what you do to me
I cannot speak
I cannot sleep
One more touch and I fall apart
There goes my beer
There goes my heart
Upside down in the afternoon
I'm going back
I'm consumed
One more kiss and I start to reel
I want to take
I want to steal

You and me
Are the ones
Who will know when it's done?
And if it's real?
Then you'll know
When I go
Just let go

I tried too many in a local bar
We had some drinks
We trashed your car
You touched my thigh in the underlights
You smiled and said
"This is our chance"
They tried to save me
But it was no good
It's just a shadow where I stood
Whatever happens in the afterworld
You'll always be my summer girl

hohum. finished with my graphical projec! yas and almost done with my first draft of a dumb paper. stars be going through my head. super bored, want to sleep or watch youtube videos. yeah prob gonna do that soon. I have a massive headwouldache that'd i like to take of. man ive been going through flashdrives like they be water. man so little space. ate with the pergians it was nice. nice to not have to be a certain way socially. nice to be liked. nice to like others. people from my graph class are actually saying hi to me in the hallways so I feel like I'm not a dumb cootie patootie. its a word goodle. thats a word too. I already want this fucking sem to end its too much already. I'm starting to give a crap but still. wtf does more squatty mean? do you want me to poop on my proj? miss. lol angry bois. why so angry. I know why. agressive parents and bullies. yep. ok off to lala land. goodnight folks

thanks

How to Self Validate

Self-validation: Respecting yourself, letting yourself feel, think, and want with acceptance – no judgments, second-guessing, or devaluing yourself.

With Mindfulness (about):

• Observe, participate, and describe your thoughts and feelings non-judgmentally.
• Let judgments pass. Notice but do not hold onto them, let them go.
• Observe your thinking without participating or believing it’s true.
• Identify and describe your feelings precisely.
• Allow yourself to feel your emotions without avoiding them, escaping from them, acting impulsively, or numbing out from them. Try to manage your emotions skillfully.
• Honor your own values.

Using Radical Acceptance (about):

• Look for legitimacy and understanding within yourself, truthfully and without judgment.
• Try to radically accept your feelings, thoughts, or actions as they are.
• Respect your own experience with willingness.
• Broaden and balance your views on what you are invalidating, putting them in a new context.

Change your response to yourself:

• Act like you take yourself seriously.
• Acknowledge your normative emotions without judging them.
• Identify problematic behavior and try to change it.
• Nurture and support yourself or seek support from others.
• Show the same compassion for yourself as you would for any human.
• Use your wise mind.

Note: Without self-validation, you might criticize yourself, beat yourself up, or feel embarrassment or shame when something happens.You would likely retreat from these emotions and fall into the same self-defeating patterns.

A self-validating pattern after an event might include:

1. Catching self-invalidation early.
2. Noticing your emotions and check the facts. Ask “what happened?” or “what would another non-judgmental person feel?’
3. Watch for more complex emotions like shame, but trust your primary emotions.
4. Don’t call yourself names like “jerk” or “idiot.”
5. Identify what you want and respect it.
6. Identify your vulnerabilities.
7. Ask yourself if what you’re feeling makes sense or if other people would react similarly.
8. Actively tell yourself how your emotions, sensations, and wants make sense.
9. Self-soothe.
10. Re-engage with your life in the moment as a valid, respected person.

Bottom line: Judging yourself usually leads to shame. If you feel shame, check whether you have violated your values. If you have not, try to stay in your primary emotion. Describe your wants and the situation. Try to allow yourself to just be; notice and describe. If you are still struggling to self-validate, ask yourself how you might treat somebody else and give yourself the same respect.

Hello

i am going through a roller coaster full of emotions including the most infamous anxiety. Heard a old new fall out boy song saying live another day well and give em hell. It was very inspiring. I wished they still have empowering music but it doesn't resonate with me anymore. Also futures saving my life with sammys brutal honesty and jangling poppy notes that hit me in the feels. I feel like I can do a little bit now. I've been in a dire way. If I can get out of my weirdness I can do more again. Idk if personality tests are correct. What if you never had the chance to be your true self. What if ur true self is hidden from the world. What if you don't really like anything, just living day by day. Or maybe you like everything in equal amounts but don't want to stick or can stick to anything. I'm like seriously swamped with feelings of being swamped. I haven't felt this since maybe first years of com college. I've been doing Arting for a long time. I forgot what I was going say here, something remarkable charming and inspiring? Anyways feeling better but feeling apathetic to the core. My colors are still bright, but my life seems sort of on the fringes of fake. Hopefully life gives me lemonade and I bask in the lovely sunshine. It's good I want to be happy. For a couple of hours today I was looking backward into being a frumpy toad stool willy wart. Good on me I guess.

hohoho

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OK

wow this is huge, thats what she said. whats up with all these fake ass accounts of twitter? uggh. things in classes are doing fine, except for the class I actually enjoy the most, im really serious about it, but for some reason I am not getting the exact picture that the teacher wants. I know I did my best and I know that I improved so much. Also its readable, thats one of my most important tenants... err gads. bye!!

It's time for a change

Aww I'm really enjoying my art class like I'm being energized to be my fullest potential, and I actually want to do well. My teacher is super nice and awnsers all the questions and makes us asks questions. I can tell he really enjoys teaching and being awesome. Total upgrade from jerk face teacher. Uggggh never again. I'm actually trying to be compelling and not shitting on my work, ok kinda making things up, but doesn't everyone? Thanks writing zine teacher you inspired me to keep letting my freak flag fly and not be apologetic, now I feel like I'm doing it again I'm it makes me feel really proud. I'm delving deep into the ass of art and making something as simplistic be total complex and mind blowing. Yeah and he didn't use any student work. All pros, so you know the level he's aiming for. Ok I feel hungry again. So I'm going get some chow. Yet the level of modesty in our little class is enormous correlating to the extreme talent in the room, i really love love this class. I feel like this will be one of those classes I adore and remember years and years later. Whew lots of ass kissing sounding but srsly amazing class, I can't wait to go to class and show my stuff too. Ok ok I'm out like a light bulb slash handcuffs cuz that's how you think.

Ok

Tommorow gonna see Mariah maybe... For the first time in months hehe omg so excite! And finally got Barney!!! Kekz soooooo semester is going ok, spending my waking hours coming up with something surprising yet simple yet combines two themes it's not going swimmingly. I thought I was doing fine but I guess I doing a bit too much. Or putting too much personal opinion on it... Even though it's my work. Well I guess not everyone can be a vegetarian eh? Yeah gotta eat cuz I'm hungry! Eating a nourishing meal does refresh myself so that's what I'm gonna countinue to do. Later folks